Children
by Clever Sleazoid
Summary: Dir en grey. Die tells his story of insanity and madness in his own words. The truth about his own nature is soon revealed, and as he seeks help from the band, he finds little comfort in their twisted hearts. DiexKaoru.


**I do not own Die, Toshiya, Kyo, Kaoru, Shinya, or the lyrics to the song 'Children' in this fanfiction**

**This chapter contains: Mildly graphic scenes**

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**C h i l d r e n**

_Chapter One:_

_Sever the Logic Circuits with a Razor_

It was a hot day. The sun was blazing overhead, the heat making sweat pour down everyone's necks and faces. I was used to it; thin as I am, I never get too hot. Plus I was dressed in light clothing, a simple sleeveless t-shirt and some jeans. It was a normal day, despite that buzzing in my ears. That incessant noise, something that had been growing since I woke up that morning.

It was the day I started to go mad.

I didn't know it; but then, crazy people usually don't. I just thought the buzzing was due to the heat, or the crowded streets of Tokyo. I should've known better. I was far too used to Tokyo for it to bother me suddenly.

I pushed my way through the crowd of people, most of which were swarming around me.

_Is that Die?_ I hear them whisper, their voices like baking leaves under the sun. I gave them all indulgent smiles and quickly ducked out of the throng, leaning against the wall of an older, run-down looking store, the kind that looked as if no one shopped there.

I wiped the sweat out of my eyes and peered into the shop, half-hoping it would be a place that sold something like Aspirin. As soon as I pushed open that door, however, and entered the dark, dusty shop, I knew at once this was no medicine store. I strolled around, mostly just to escape the pestering crowds outside more than anything. The shelves were scantily stocked with cheap, fake-looking remakes of old Japanese trinkets, and my nose wrinkled with distaste at the fading signs labelled: Authentic!

My eyes were suddenly drawn to the back of the shop, where a fat, grinning, greasy-looking man stood, watching my every move. I suddenly became more aware of the buzzing than anything else, and I walked quickly out of the store, my eyes flickering backwards to the man whose eyes never left me.

My heart was thumping harder than normal, and I placed a confused hand on my chest, as if the feel of it there would calm it down. I'll never really forget that day: Although nothing particularly strange happened, it was the beginning of something that would change my life, and it had been passed without that knowledge. Sometimes I wonder, if I had known what the buzzing really was, would I have been able to fix it? But then I shake such thoughts from my head, and continue writing, sitting here, telling my little story of madness and insanity.

The next morning I awoke with a grinding headache, the kind that throbs from the inside out, making your head feel a kilogram heavier with every step. I managed to drag myself to the tiny kitchen, where the rest of the band (except Totchi) was already gathered. I waved at them as I scraped a chair across the kitchen floor and sat down, pouring myself some cereal. Despite my headache I managed to maintain a smile, because usually if I'm not cheerful, everyone automatically thinks something's wrong. It gets irksome sometimes, but I can't blame them: There's never really anything wrong with me, and if there is it's obvious. I suppose it's more my fault than anyone's.

"Morning." I greeted them cheerfully, taking my first bite of breakfast.

They each greet me with their typical morning responses, Shinya's quick nod of the head, Kaoru's graceful smile and low 'Hello', Kyo with a customary grunt. No doubt Toshiya was still in bed, his hair all over the place and his mouth wide open. The thought brings a chuckle to my lips, and I let it out, slurping up my cereal.

Kaoru raised an eyebrow, his hair particularly pink this morning.

"What's so funny?" he asked in that deep voice of his, and I was overcome with that deep rushing of emotion that I sometimes get, usually when one of the band does something particularly characteristic.

"I just thought of Totchi-"

"Thought of what?"

Totchi came lumbering in, his hair sticking up in odd places and his chin covered with a little excess drool. I promptly stuffed another bite of cereal in my mouth to keep from laughing, but it was all too much. I choked, the spoon was flung across the table with some chunky cereal, and I slumped across the table, laughing my guts out.

Kaoru's eyebrow raised even higher, and he burst out laughing, almost shaking the table. Shinya ducked as the spoon came spinning for his head, and Totchi gave me an irritable glance that made me think he knew exactly what I was laughing about. Kyo leapt up from the table and started throwing things at me, shouting as his white-blonde hair was dripping with milk. I ducked them all, my laughter and Kaoru's still shaking the room, and Kyo finally sat down, giving me a typical glare with that undercurrent of amusement that he was never very good at hiding.

The rest of the morning was filled with the usual banter, along with the same buzzing in my ears.

That afternoon I took a nap, which was unusual for me. But I had this sudden spell, like I could actually feel the earth tilting on its axis, away from me. It was an unbalanced, nauseous feeling, and I ran to the bathroom a couple of times, positive I was going to throw up. Kaoru was the only concerned one; Kyo was still pretending to be angry with me, so he just said I'd get over it, Shinya was locked in his bedroom, and Toshiya was too engrossed in practicing to notice.

It eventually got to a point where it was so bad I just...fell asleep. I slept hard, too. Later on Kaoru mentioned that nothing in the world could've woken me up right then, but that's probably because I was having dreams. They were vague, uncertain dreams, and each one had a single concept or idea that stood out more than anything. I remember one was extremely distorted and blurry, but the colors remained consistent: A dark, deep red, that kind that you see when your blood is halfway congealed. I was surprised I'd even come up with this comparison, but it was a thought that remained fresh and crisp in my mind, the only thought.

And sometimes during my dreams I would get this feeling of being drowned in it, this deep red liquid that was too thick to be blood and yet it was. It would suck me under like quicksand and clog up my nose and mouth and ears, and it was so frightening I wanted to wake up, but couldn't.

But it was the last dream that stood out the most. There was a man standing there, all alone on this single island made of bone. It was just a gentle slope of smooth white bone, only a few inches higher than the deep black water it was surrounded by. The man was just a small, thin shadow, but I could see glints of reddish-white where his teeth were, and suddenly I was terrified, more terrified even than the blood had made me. I was speeding toward him over the water, water splashing across my lower legs, and although I felt I would approach him at any moment, I knew I was still miles and miles away, even though I could still see that horrible glint of teeth contrasted against the blackness of his body.

The only noises were the rushing water in my ears and these loud, cawing sounds made by the birds that were flying above me. I don't know how I knew they were birds, or how I even knew they were there, besides the noise they were making, because they were the exact same color as the grey, cloudless sky above me. That was all that happened during the entire dream, because I never got closer to the island of bone with the shadow man.

I woke up sweating, and imprinted in my mind was the shadow man's teeth, leering at me. I sucked in deep, steadying breaths, feeling as though I'd traveled some huge great distance, and I couldn't shake off that expression his canines seemed to hold...

Suddenly Kaoru came bounding into the room, and he looked so relieved that for a moment I thought he was going to burst into tears. I tried to jump to my feet but I felt so weak it was all I could do to stand up. _What's wrong with me? _The same thought chased itself around in my mind, and I almost passed out from this weakness.

"Where were you?" Kaoru gasped, looking down at me with these frightened, child-like eyes that were so unlike him my heart almost stopped.

I shook my head in confusion. What was he talking about?

"I wasn't anywhere. I was here, on the couch, the whole time!" I replied earnestly, trying to convince him that this was true, because he looked so worried I thought he'd pass out, right there on the living room floor. I reached out and put a hand on his arm to steady him, but he pulled away, staring pointedly at the bottoms of my jeans. Confused, I looked down. My eyes widened.

They were soaking wet, as though I'd been walking in shallow water. I could also smell the very faint scent of salt, like from the sea.

I looked up at him, my mouth open and slightly dry.

"Where were you?" he demanded again.

There was a short pause.

"I don't know," I whispered, and once again the image of me rushing just above the sea washed over my mind.

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**Author's Note: My very first fanfiction. I hope it's up to par. I'm only updating if I get some positive reviews, so it's your fault if I don't. The titles of the chapters are song lyrics, so you know. Lyrics to the song Children by Dir en grey, the lyrics that inspired this fanfiction. I know it says KaoruxDie, but that's not the only pairing. I can't tell the others, it would ruin the surprise. Also, the rating will probably change to the future, since I can't exactly resist getting graphic when it comes to violence and...other topics. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed.**

**-Clever Sleazoid-**


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